The Psychology Behind Your Fear of Change

The Psychology Behind Your Fear of Change Most of us spend a lot of time thinking about where we should be in our careers and lives. We squirm inwardly as we scroll through friends Instagram feeds full of exotic remote work locations, Tulum restaurants, and beautiful, cheeseboard-laden dinner parties.Somewhere in this digital envy spiral, we start to beat ourselves up about how were not reaching our goals quickly enough. Why havent I started looking for new freelance clients? Whats keeping me from finding a new job?And thats about when a feeling starts creeping ina fear, reallythat maybe, just maybe, we cant accomplish the growth we want. Maybe this is just who we are and what were stuck with.Theres a reason why Im making gross generalizations here about imposter syndrome, feelings of general inadequacy, peer-to-peer jealousy. That fear that you cant change, the one that manifests as negative self-talk and unnecessary comparison to others? That isnt just you. Science says so.Why Do u r Brains Fear Change?The root of all this is stress. Changegood, bad, ugly, or somewhere in-betweenis inherently a stressor, and our bodies and brains are hardwired to protect us from stress.Part of that has to do with our fear of loss. Lost time, lost money, lost social status. A pivotal 1981 study (PDF) by two psychologists, Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, found that when were presented with two options that have similar potential outcomes, but we perceive that one comes with more risk, we default to the safer option.A lot of this has to do with black and white, or all-or-nothing, thinking. Human beings tend to see failure as proof that everything leading up to that moment welches also a failure. As a Lifehacker article citing the same 1981 study puts itWhen we invest ourselves emotionally in anything, it becomes harder to change because we dont want to lose all the time and effort we already exerted. As a result, we have a hard time letting go of a project we know deep down wil l fail. We also struggle to end doomed relationships because were terrible at accepting the whole thing was for naught. In reality, time isnt wasted, but our brains like to see the entire time as a loss rather than just a part of the inevitable conclusion.In an interview with Forbes, Tamar Chanksy, author of Freeing Yourself from Anxiety, puts it like thisHow we thrive is through routine and predictability. It gives a sense of control. When there are big changes, we are suddenly thrown into a state of uncertainty.Lets karenz for a moment on the word uncertainty. Its a feeling that plays more of a roll in our fears than, until recently, we knew or understood.A 2016 study found that its not the potential negative outcomes that stress us outits the inherent ambiguity that lies in not knowing. The less certain we are about what will happen to us, the more miserable we are. In fact, the study found that not knowing whats coming causes more stress than knowing, absolutely, that something bad is going to happen. When it comes to motivation, uncertainty is the big, nasty culprit behind why we consider staying in a mediocre romantic relationship or at a terrible job forever.But Then Theres the Fact That Avoiding Change Can Hurt UsDespite the fact that were hardwired to feel stressed and panicked at even the mere thought of change and the unknown, not making changes (re that horrible job) can and will hurt you. Again, its science.In 2018, the University of Manchester completed a study of 1,000 people who were unemployed at the height of the recession (2009-2010), following their progress for several years. The researchers discovered something interesting participants who took poor quality jobs were less happy than those who remained unemployed. The researchers also found that those who took poor quality jobs had elevated risks for a range of health problems courtesy of chronic stress.Youre stressed if you decide to make changes in your life, youre stressed if you stay i n a job that makes you unhappy. ITs the epitome of a Catch-22. So what do you do?How to Rewire Your Brain to Embrace ChangeStep 1 Lean into UncertaintyThink of it like this while uncertainty is scary enough to make us hold onto the certain elements of our lives much longer than we want or should, by fully giving into uncertainty, we can actually give ourselves a motivational edge.As an article in The Guardian puts itAction is most needed when consequences are least predictableIf traffic is going well and youre likely to get to your meeting on time, theres no need to fret, rush and worryBut if its really touch and go, if your odds of making it on time approach 50%, thats when youll try your hardest. And the prompt for that effort is stress.Like most things, stress is both a poison and, potentially, an antidote. So how do you use it as the latter? By committing to the changes youve been avoiding.If youre like most of the world and have read You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero, you may rem ember her story about buying a car she couldnt afford, thereby forcing herself to create enough work and opportunity to turn into the person who could afford it.Dont worry, Im not suggesting you get anywhere near that daring. But if you take a few no turning back steps, youll find that uncertainty is your new best friend. Set yourself a target date when you have to quit your terrible job. Put a deposit down on the online course youve been considering. Put an email out announcing the launch of your new side business, even if its not ready yet. (Spoiler alert it will never be ready.)Take one step in the direction of the change you want to make, then let yourself get nervous. It will help becauseyou guessed itscience says so.Step 2 Stop with the IntrospectionHuh, what? But isnt self-assessment at the root of growth? Yesbut only to an extent. In fact, most of us do too much of it.As psychologist Tasha Eurich puts it, We can spend endless amounts of time in self-reflection but emerge wit h no more self-insight than when we started. Thats time you could have spend enacting the change you keep talking about.Eurich and her team also found that contrary to general consensus, those who spend the most time on self-reflection are more self-involved, more stressed, and generally feel less in control.So, if youre feeling like you dont have control over whats happening in your career or life, it might be time to do something, anything other than self-assessing.Step 3 Shut Down InstagramYou may think that surrounding yourself with aspirational images is a great way to keep yourself motivated, but as you might expect, too much of that will work against you. In fact, study after studyshows social media scrolling is making us feel bad, frustrated, forlorn, and generally stressed. (And notstressed in the change-motivating way)So, if youre considering committing to a big change in your life in the next few weeks, go offline for a bit. You were spending too much time scrolling on yo ur iPhone anyway. Use that time instead to update your resume, take one of our Skillcrush coursesin fact, do anything as long as it isnt a self-criticism spiral.Step 4 Commit to Something (Preferably Something Non-Refundable)Theres a reason why making small changes to your diet works better for most people than committing to a month-long, cauliflower-only detox. You dont need to quit your job today. In fact, unless you have an emergency fund in place, thats probably a terrible idea. But you cancommit to taking a concrete step toward reaching that goal in the next few months. Often, investing some of your hard-earned income into your goals is enough to motivate you. So, reach out to a career counselor, book an appointment, andpay for it in advance. Or sign up for a course to learn the new skills you know will help you make a change. In the meantime, well leave you with the stories of a few Skillcrush alums who made huge career pivots, one small step at a time. Kit WarcholThis story o riginally appeared onSkillcrush.